Shadows of the past
by RiskaSG
Summary: ....about Maria's past. Please read ATN before reading!


ATN: This story is PG-13 for violent contents. So if you don't like this kind of stories, please don't read it! 

To everybody else: Enjoy:-)

Thanks a lot to ILUVTSOM and SOAZ who encouraged me to post this story and helped me in many other ways **GG** At the end of the story I'm using "flake out" meaning "pass out"………But read yourself!   

~*Shadows of the Past*~   
  
She ran as fast as she could, although the air burned like fire in her lungs, her tongue stuck to the top of her mouth, and the stitch in her side almost made her cry. However, she couldn't stop, she was too late, much too late- she had lost track of the time again, though she had promised to be home on time.   
  
Through the strands of her ponytail, that stuck to her sweaty forehead, she finally saw the little house, running faster, she ran towards the door, hoping he wouldn't be home yet. Eventually, she reached the door and opened it.  
  


  
~*~*~*~  
  


  
"Maria! Maria, wake up." Georg softly shook Maria's shoulder.   
  
Slowly she opened her eyes "What's..?" Maria stopped, realizing the dry feeling in her mouth and that she was bathed in sweat.   
  
"Shall I fetch you some water, Darling?" he asked, anxious.   
   
Maria who was feeling a little shaky, nodded thankfully. He quickly went to the bathroom and filled one of the glasses with cold water. Maria emptied it in almost one gulp.  
  
"Thank you, Georg." She smiled at him, but Georg could tell she only did it to calm him.   
  
"You're welcome." He laid his arms around her, pulling her close to him. At the beginning, he had thought it was just the usual nightmares, but he soon realized that Maria had them almost nightly. She lay there night by night, her face covered with sweat, her pulse racing, and her lips forming inaudible words. Georg hoped she would tell him everything by herself; however, she never attempted to. Watching her without knowing what was bothering her, without being able to help her, made him feel so helpless, useless. When he realized Maria had calmed down a bit, he finally asked her the question that laid on his lips for weeks. "Don't you think it's time to tell me everything?" He felt Maria's body jerk upon his question and intensified his embrace.   
  
"There's nothing to tell. It was just a silly nightmare."   
  
"A nightmare?" Georg lifted a brow, waiting for Maria to say something, but when she did not, he went on. "Maria, you can't tell me this was a usual nightmare. Maybe if it happened once in a while, but you're having those dreams almost every night."   
  
Maria bit her lip. She did not want to talk about it. She hoped that the shadows of her past would pale by, now that she was happy for the first time in her life.   
  
Georg cleared his throat. "You once told me your childhood wasn't very happy, but you never told me why."   
  
Maria closed her eyes and held her breath. She felt Georg's closeness, his strong arms that surrounded her body, his warm breath in her neck. Although she felt comfortable, she was afraid at the same time. How could she tell him everything? She didn't want to think about it anymore. It was bad enough that they still haunted her in her dreams, but she wouldn't let those memories enter her real life. Besides, she somehow was afraid he might love her less after he knew everything. 

"It was a long time ago. Nothing you should think about." She eventually answered.   
  
"It's still close enough to follow you in your dreams."  
  
"It doesn't –" She sighed as she realized he wouldn't believe her lie. "Maybe it does. However, this really shouldn't worry you. I'll get over it soon enough."   
   
"I am already worried about you, Maria. I want to help you and I feel I only can do it if I know what is bothering you. I can't force you to tell me what it is; nevertheless, I hope you will tell me."  
  
Maria turned her head and looked into the eyes of her husband. "I love you." She whispered, her lips softly touching his.   
  


~*~*~*~  
  


  
"Where have you been for so long?" She heard it more than feeling the hand slamming her face.   
  
"I'm sorry, Mother." Maria looked into her Mothers face, desperately trying to hide her tears.   
  
"Sorry, she's sorry." His voice sounded through the little kitchen. "You're always sorry," he yelled. "Little useless Bastard!"   
  
Maria felt her Mother grabbing her arm. She dragged her outside and pulled her over the yard to the stable, locking her up in the small shack.   
  
Through the darkness that suddenly surrounded her, Maria could still hear her Father's angry voice. She swallowed, she was so thirsty. But she had to ignore this feeling. Crying wouldn't help much either. It was her own fault. She had promised to come home punctual, but she hadn't. It was her own fault.   
  


  
~*~*~*~  
  


  
The quiet sound of clattering dishes woke her up. Drowsily, she opened her eyes and realized she was lying in front of the crackling fire. She must have carried me in while I slept, Maria thought thankfully. For a while, she looked at her Mother who washed the dishes. Her long brown hair was tied together sloppily and she wore a washed-out blue dress.   
  
Johanna Kutschera felt her daughters view on her back. Smiling, she turned around and walked towards Maria. "Good Morning, Honey." She whispered, gently kissing her daughter on her head. "It's okay." Johanna turned her face away when she felt Maria's little hand stroking over the bruise under her left eye. She quickly got up. "You must be hungry, since you had no dinner."   
   
Feeling a knot in her stomach, Maria stood up and sat at the table. Although she was hungry, she couldn't eat a thing.   
  
"Maria, you got to eat something."   
  
The little girl shook her head and fought her tears again. "I'm sorry."   
   
Johanna sighed. "I know." She laid her arms around her daughter. Maria wasn't able to hold back her tears anymore. "Oh my Baby, ssssshhhhhhh, its okay, Darling, its okay…"   
  
Johanna knew that Maria would stop crying soon, but she knew that she could caress her daughter only for a little time, that there always would be another reason for her to cry.   
  
When Maria still had been a baby, Johanna had once tried to leave her husband, but he had found her and his reaction taught her not to try it a second time. Ever since then, she had tried to do everything he wanted and Maria learnt the same. Nevertheless, she was such a daydreamer, forgetting everything around her when she was in her dream world. Johanna prayed that Maria would finally stop her daydreaming for her own sake.   
   
Johanna had been 17 when she met her husband Karl for the first time. She had been so young, so inexperienced and so it was easy for Karl to convince her to sleep with him.   
  
She would never forget how she felt that night, how much it had hurt, how Karl suddenly seemed to have forgotten all the flatteries he had told her just minutes before.   
  
She had felt used and actually avoided to see him again. Even if she did, he ignored her as well.   
  
That night had not only left a bad memory, but more – Johanna was pregnant and after her father realized she was, he of course insisted on a marriage.   
  
That had been nine years before, and with every day, Karl seemed to hate his family more. Johanna knew to well that he only had wanted to have some fun, not a wife and a daughter.   
  
A fact he let her feel unequivocal by humiliating her - with words and hiding in the days and the inexorable claim for his conjugal rights in the nights.   
  
And Maria - Maria was just a bastard in his eyes. Maybe he would have been able to love a boy, but a frail and dreamy girl like Maria – no way.   
   
Seeing the scorn and hate in his eyes, seeing how he was able to slap their little, helpless daughter, Johanna prevented giving birth to another child.   
  
Moreover, she had realized that if she did not want him to beat Maria to death, she better punish Maria herself if she wanted to satisfy her husband. She knew exactly when he would thrash her again, so she anticipated him mostly, as she did the evening before – as she did many times before and she would do in the future.   
  


  
~*~*~*~   
  


  
Maria slowly felt better and her tears finally dried up "I'm sorry," she said almost not audible.   
  
"There's no need to be, Darling."   
   
Maria tried to smile. "Oh yes there is. I shouldn't bother you with all this stuff that had happened a long time ago."  
   
"It bothers you, Maria. And everything that bothers you concerns me, too."   
  
"I don't know, Georg." She looked at her husband and realized that she already had told him too much to stop. In addition, she somehow felt better after having told Georg at least some part of her past. "Come," Maria took Georg's hand "I want to show you something."   
  
  
~*~*~*~   
  


  
Humming, Maria entered the kitchen, but stopped at once when she saw her Father sitting at the table. Usually he was at work at this time, but by his smell she could tell he was to drunken to do any work.   
  
He looked up. "Where's your Mother?"   
  
"She's in the village to do some –" she was cut of by her Father.  
  
"When I come home I want my dinner on the table!" He got up "I'm working all day long and you two don't show me the respect I EARN!" He got up.  
  
Maria stared at the floor. "But it's only 3 o'clock. Usually…" The burning feeling of his hand on her cheek made her stop.   
  
"USUALLY? You ungrateful, saucy girl!" He grabbed her arm. "Where have you been?" As she didn't answer, he hit her face hard. "Where have you been?"   
   
"I, I….." she stammered. Without even waiting for Maria to finish the sentence, he strengthened his grasp and hurled her against the cupboard. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" he yelled again and his face turned redder than it already was.   
  
Maria knew that she should answer if she didn't want to make him angrier. "I took a walk," she said low, realizing it was a fault to tell him the truth at the same moment.   
  
"A walk? A WALK? The little Miss is having a walk! Who the hell do you think you are? A princess? Useless thing!" His hand slapped Maria's face hard. "Tell me! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"   
  
Maria did not know what to answer, but when he raised his hand another time, she dodged his slap and her Father's hand crashed against the brown wood of the board. He swore and Maria felt his boot in her stomach. "DAMN IT! I'll show you how to treat your Father!" With that, he opened the buckle of his belt and tugged it out of his trouser. Knowing what would come, Maria rolled herself up, biting her lip to avoid crying aloud when she felt the hard material on her back, as well as she tried to ignore the swearwords he shouted.   
   
All of a sudden, she felt all his weight on her body and her attempts to get out of his strong grip were only answered by other slaps. Maria closed her eyes when she felt his hands trying to press her thighs apart.   
 

  
~*~*~*~  
  


  
Maria stared at the gravestone. "Then he suddenly flaked out, he just didn't move anymore. Mom pulled him off me and lifted me up. Although she pressed my head against her shoulder I saw all the blood that covered the floor…" Maria's voice drifted away "…the knife in his back." She sobbed and glanced at Georg who stood next to her, not knowing what to say or to do. "She brought me to the priest of our village. She carried me the whole way to his house without saying a word, she just held me close." Maria breathed deeply and wrapped her arms around her body. "She told me to wait on a bench in front of the house and vanished inside. When she came back, she stroked my hair and kissed me on my forehead. Then she walked away. I……I never saw her again. They sentenced her for murder.…." She stopped and looked at the graveyard again. ".…death by hanging."  
  
Georg laid his hand on her shoulder "And you?" was all he was able to utter, feeling fury, sadness and helplessness at the same time.   
  
"The priest accommodated me in an orphanage. When I was 16 I joined the Abbey and then – well you know the rest." For the first time of her long story, she looked firm into his eyes.   
  
Georg took her face into his hand and kissed her softly. "Yes, I know the rest." He pulled Maria close to him and tried to fight the tears that were filling his eyes. "I'll never leave you," he whispered, holding her as close as he could.   
   
  


  
FIN.


End file.
